seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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