I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
