Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
