i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
