he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
