i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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