I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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