Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
