Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
