I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
