we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
