i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
