My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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