When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
