When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
