It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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