Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I show you my penis last night?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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