we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize