didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My vagina just clenched in fear
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
