Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
