What a fucking waste of an outfit
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
