shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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