my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
