And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
