I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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