i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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