You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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