I think I died a long time ago.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
