He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
