I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
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He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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