The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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