she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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