The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
