he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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