I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
