that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
