god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
