Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
