My nipple is on Facebook.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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