Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
