I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
