Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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