Please, let me fuck your mom
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
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downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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