You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
