Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
