$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
