I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
