I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
