I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
