id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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