You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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