Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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