I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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