I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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