How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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