I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
