it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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