So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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