is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
