i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
