True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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