I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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