sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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