the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
