So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize