North Korea, Best Korea!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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