I just threw up on my dentist
My Higher Power is John Stamos
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
