I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
