Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
