She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
