Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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