Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
