I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
