It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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