i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
