hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
