I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Drunk is not a location!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
