the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
