I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
