God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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