In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
