Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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