You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
