1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
