I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
